Okay so at CoPro, this wonderful lady gave a talk about relationships. And of course i thought it was going to be about guy girl relationships blah... I have heard it a million times but God had a bigger plan and this talk blew my mind. of course I only took some notes but I will put as many as I can remember. So she talked about God's original plan.... no notes on that.... then she talked about the breakdown..... don't know what that is because of course I didn't take any notes haha. But then she talked about people who are independent. Totally me!
To be independent just means that in a relationship you don't share deep things. You are isolated from others. You don't want to be a burden to others. You bury feelings or deny that you have them. You keep others at a distance. To keep from sharing you stay busy, use humor, focus on the other person and many other things. You may over spiritualize and say "God is so good all the time". "Life is great God is good!" but really that ends up in you not growing because it's hard for people to pour into you when everything is fine all the time. Most of the time you don't share because of pride or fear.
Dependence is the opposite. You see connection to others as an essential source of value and security. You only need one person and you lose interest in other relationships. our thoughts about friendship with this person consume your life. You need 1 on 1 time all the time. You become manipulative and jealous. The lady talking gave an example and said that one of her friends hid her friends phone so that she would be the only one talking to her. wow.
What we want are relationships that are Interdependent. It is a separateness and a closeness. it's being free and not being demanding. Having flexible expectations and healthy conflict.
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